sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
