is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
