I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
