Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
