im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
