i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
