she looked like the bat from fern gully.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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