I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
