Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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