two words...techno handjob
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
