did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
