No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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