the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
