have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
