rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
