He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
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No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
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i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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