I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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