I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
a search helicopter?!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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