I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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