Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
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Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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