Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
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Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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