so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
