btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
