Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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