All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize