I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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