Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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