Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
