Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
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I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize