She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
