Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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