I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
