if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
