plz talk dirty to me
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
