Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
