You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
