So gin and wine won't be happening again
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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