If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
