Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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