So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
