I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
