Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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