Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
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The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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