We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
