It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
