alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We're too hungover to prance.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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