I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
