i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
there is puke in my bra ... again
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