I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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