My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
