I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
