i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
