i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
