Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
