I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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