Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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