He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize