Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
