I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
