Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
