right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
