I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
