Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
