Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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