My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Come see our sink grown plant.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
