so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Vodka?
Forever.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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