**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
