Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm having to shit out rocks
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