Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
