I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
