me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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