i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
