Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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