when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
