I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My dick has a subreddit
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize